The AHA! moment

All my life I've never been one of those people who "get" how to do things on the first try. My motor skills aren't the best, and I'm usually slow to learn. So, I know that it's going to take me twice, sometimes three times as long to figure out how to do something, as compared to most of my friends. Whether I'm below average, or hang out with a group that is above average, is up for discussion. But regardless, I had a moment last weekend, that made me wonder how different my life would be if I were one of "those" people. You know, the type that seem to be good at everything they do on the first try.

I learned to Ski. OMG! I learned to ski, and I was good at it. Really good. I figured out how to stop and turn on the first couple of tries, and the feeling was amazing. "This is what if feels like," is what I kept thinking, as a glided somewhat clumsily, but full of confidence, down the hill. 6 hours of skiing and I only fell twice. Not, bad for a first timer. I even dared myself off the bunny hill and onto a more exciting one, and I did all on my lonesome. I mean, I was on a ski trip with friends, but decided to go on this "big" hill by myself, and it was amazing. The surge of confidence that swept through me was unlike anything I ever felt before. All of a sudden, it felt like doors and windows were opening, and I knew that I could do anything in the world, and get anything or everything I've ever wanted-effortlessly.

It's a moment I never want to wake up from, and never want to forget.

On a different note. There is a new, very handsome guy at soccer. Well, actually, he's not new. He's been around for a while, and I barely noticed him last week. Just thinking of him brings a grin to my face. I absolutely love soccer, if anything, for the eye-candy. Nothing like a guy you know is nice and handsome, to brighten up any girls day.

School is getting a lot better. I got my first A on the last paper I turned in. It's been a slow process, getting these rusted wheels back into motion. I'm sure it didn't help that I wrote my first two papers hours before class. (I used to be a pro at scoring A's on those types of papers.) Last week, I actually sat down, read the article, took notes, wrote an outline for a plausible paper, took a few days to digest the information and think about the process, then sat down and started writing, and low and behold, a few hours later, I had a paper that was way too long. I went through four revisions before I finally got it down to an acceptable page count, and felt a rush that's been unknown to me since I graduated college. Life, for a moment was great. Even more so when I finally got that A on my paper.

This week, I'm putting together a power point presentation for my marketing class. (this after not doing so well on my test in business class). My partner and I decided to do a SWOT analysis on Paranormal Romance Series. We turned in the paper, but forgot to spell out the weaknesses of what we found, so now we've got to bring it all together into the presentation. I'm pretty excited about putting it together, but very nervous to speak in front of the class. I know, funny that I would be the one having anxiety over it. It'll be great practice for sales conference for this fall though.

What else has happened? hmm, well one of my closest friends from high school is having a baby. He's waited three or four months to tell me, and I was super duper happy for him. So happy, in fact that I had tears rolling down my face for a good 15 or twenty minutes. I can't think of anyone more deserving of a child than him, and wish him and his significant other all the best.

On the flip side, the news made me feel old and somewhat left behind. I know we all get to things in our own time, but sometimes I feel like some things are just not meant to happen with me. One of those things is a long term relationship or biological children of my own. I know, I know, I'm only 29. But 29 seems so old when you got to a high school reunion and almost everyone has children, and if not children, they're married. It makes me feel like something's not right with me, even though I know that's not true.

Thank God I'm in New York, the place where everyone is out for themselves, and relationships are a matter of convenience. No need to feel left out here. Even those in a relationship, aren't always really in them for love. It's all about the convenience of having someone around and feeling less alone, and somehow, less insecure.

So, that's all I have to say about that and anything else for today.