Despite it's rugged exterior, and suck it up and deal with it attitude, I have started to fall in love with New York. The people here, really do care, they just go about it in a different way, but that's not what made me start falling in love with the city. It's the quantity of people and the seemingly endless possibilities to follow your heart that makes New York so special.
For instance, I have a co-worker who loves drama theatre. This week, he rented out a stage at the Y and Directed a Play that his friend wrote. The actors were pretty great, the play was intellectually humorous, and the small crows had a great time. He even had a stand up comedian for an opening act.
OMG! this guys was pretty funny. But, you had to be smart and up with current events to understand his jokes. For a minute there, he reminded me of David. His name is Gabe, and this quick witted handsome man came over to talk to me, and I did as I always do when I meet someone I like and clammed up. Foolish me. I can only hope to get passed this when my "one" comes along. The comedian/play combination was great though.
Lets see, what else. Oh yes, I love the exposure to different cultures I get on a daily basis. Seriously, why travel when the world comes to you. Don't quote me on that. Seriously, it's just that I have a feeling that I won't be able to afford travel outside of the United States for a year or two (and those of you who know me well, know that that would be enough to kill me), but the need to travel isn't so desperate when I'm surrounded by so many different languages and cultures on a daily basis. Makes living in New York a great adventure. I love it.
I love being in school surrounded by very bright people, and love that for the first time in years, I'm being forced to step up to the plate, and test my limits, for nothing more to stay afloat. Life's exciting, and scary, and fun, and full of un-familiar twists and turns-which makes me feel that for the first time in years, I'm actually living."
Saturday, January 31, 2009
My Favorite Thing about My Housemates
My favorite thing about my housemates is how in love they are. My girl housemate has been out of town for a week. She came home today and her fiance (one of my guy housemates) was so happy to see her, it was too cute. He just snuggled right up to her on the couch, and his eyes had this stupid silly, sappy puppy look. It was too cute. To see him, you'd have thought the sun hadn't risen for an entire week, and was shining on him once again. I'm not even sure if these fragments are making sense. The whole point is, that I'm happy for them, and I am really happy to be around two people who are genuinely happy in love. It's nice for a change.
On another note, I played a couple of hours of soccer in the icy cold today, and it felt great. The sun was out, the field was wet, yet surrounded by a field of ice, and there was plenty of eye candy to go around.
Not only that, the river was glistening, and the sky was that shade of blue that it only comes by on a clear winters day. I love it. Life was perfect today. I love New York.
On another note, I played a couple of hours of soccer in the icy cold today, and it felt great. The sun was out, the field was wet, yet surrounded by a field of ice, and there was plenty of eye candy to go around.
Not only that, the river was glistening, and the sky was that shade of blue that it only comes by on a clear winters day. I love it. Life was perfect today. I love New York.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sex is a conversation
So, I'm reading this book. And in it, there are a bunch of intellectual guys who are talking about sex. And one of the guys theorizes that sex is no different than having a conversation. It's a conversation without words, but a conversation nonetheless. Any takers on this? I'm interested in knowing what anyone out there thinks about this.
Monday, January 26, 2009
It's an interesting delima
So, my girl roommate is out of town and it sounds like the boys are taking advantage by watching a porn on the gigantic T.V. in the front room. The volume is up pretty loud and it just sounds like people going at it. I'm curious to watch, but am not about watching with them.
Meanwhile, I don't know what's going on with the neighbors above me, but it sounds like they might be making a movie of their own. I'm surrounded by crude sex tonight, yet I'm not really being exposed to any of it directly.
Sigh. Welcome to my life.
Meanwhile, I don't know what's going on with the neighbors above me, but it sounds like they might be making a movie of their own. I'm surrounded by crude sex tonight, yet I'm not really being exposed to any of it directly.
Sigh. Welcome to my life.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The Empire State Building is Red, White, and Blue Tonight
The Empire State building was standing proud tonight. Engulfed in Red, White, and Blue lights. A show of respect for out new president, and our country, I'm sure.
I, on the other hand have mixed feelings about this whole thing, or maybe my faith in our country just falters on the whole. Here's the thing. I'm really happy that we're getting a president that's coming in with these grand ideas, and who's willing to open the lines of communications to countries/people's we've denied an ear to in the past. Realistically, do I think we can accomplish everything he's setting out to do, no. But do I think it's worth a shot? Heck Yeah!
I was a little disappointed when watching the inauguration ceremony today though. I would have loved to have watched it at home, alone rather than with my co-workers. If they weren't talking during it, they were heckling at Bush or booing at him, which, despite the fact that I'm not a Bush fan, I found rather annoying.
I guess it's all about respect to me though. Do I think Bush was our greatest president? No, do I think he was our worst? Only history will tell, but he was our president. We, the people, voted him into office twice, and he lead our country, during trying times, and that demands our respect, regardless of whether we agreed with his policies or not. And honestly, I think we should be proud at the smoothness with which the transition has taken place this time around. I think if anything, Bush has actually shown class during this transition period-something we're not used to, I know.
Remember, that when Bush came into office, the previous administration was not nearly as gracious to him. Even though the elections were one of the worst and most controversial in our history, he was, in the end, named president elect, and we owed it to him to make a good transition. But instead, we were so angry about the election that we made everything difficult from the start. So he started on uneven ground, and I feel he's been struggling to get himself out from the start.
We may not want to believe it, but we the people had a part to play in his controversial presidency as well. After all, it's our job as citizens and voters to change the direction of politics on a state/local level, when we don't agree with the national level. So don't boo a president for doing what you see as being a bad job. Because he can only do a bad job if the vast majority let him. It's are responsibility to keep up with current affairs, to vote, and campaign for/against policies we agree or disagree with. If you weren't involved, boo yourself, not the president, because that's you failing to do your patriotic duty, and it's you failing yourself, your peers, your country, and your president. So, if your upset with public, national, and or international policies, make a difference at the local level, and respect the man, whether you like him or not, for leading one of the most powerful countries in the world for 8 years.
That being said, I think Obama is right to send out a message of hope to the world, and to state that he's stepping into office with a new approach--One of communication.
My favorite part of his speech today was when he said, "And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more. . .To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."I like the ideas of coming in and saying, "hey, were willing to work with you, despite our history, if you're willing to work with us." I mean, we've been closing out countries out for years. Refusing to listen to what they've got to say, raping them of their riches, and soils, and where did that get us?
Well, it got us 9/11 and the downfall of the economy and eight years of a very controversial presidency. Now, we have the opportunity to start new. To re-establish some of our broken relationships with other countries, and that's pretty exciting, but what's most exciting is that for the first time ever, the world is seeing us as a progressive nation. Yes, I did say "for the first time." Don't forget, we might be a country founded on the principles of the enlightenment, but we are also a country who's society was built out of social, political, and religious outcasts, we've made some pretty big mistakes, and now, we're showing that we're ready to make a change that will have an influence on the entire world, and that's something to be proud of.
Which leads me to my second favorite part of the speech. The part where he doesn't apologize for our past way of life, but at the same time tells us we have a responsibility to our planet, and we need to make some changes, but those changes don't me abandoning who we are. Because we do have it pretty good here, and we've worked hard to develop a nation and a country where people can have luxuries, and where almost any dream can become a reality. It's something to be proud of, and we should hold our heads high, and defend what's our, although, not at the expense of the world.
Sigh, ok, now that I ragged a little on the Bush haters, let me rag a little on the Obama haters. Here's the thing. Yes, I agree that the media hype over Obama has been out of control. They've raised him up to be this God-like figure, and I'm not so sure that's so good for our nation either. I mean, don't get me wrong. I think that the message of "yes we can," is exactly what we need right now. I'm just not sure that it's a good idea to make it seem like Obama's going to perform miracles. It just leads to swifter disappointment if things don't go as planned.
I do think, however, that all you haters out there, who booed when he took his oath, and are sending Obama hate e-mail to me, need to take a step back and give him a chance. You know, his victory was pretty much a land slide, which means he deserves your respect. Give the guy a chance. Stand by him and trust him, and give him the chance to prove himself. Then, if he fails to meet your needs, do what your patriotic duty calls for you to do,and get involved in politics. Follow current affairs and vote at the local level. Vote people into office who's views align with yours, and vote him out in four years, but don't walk around booing and hating. It just makes you look stupid and hateful.
Sigh. . . .
Enough about that. I'm so tired of writing I'm not even sure anything I said up there makes sense. But, I wanted to say that today was also a very exciting day for me for another reason. I was pretty excited because it was my very first day of graduate school, OMG! And I've already started to learn so much. I'm taking this Into to Marketing class for publishing, and the professor is awesome. He's teaching us Marketing from a product perspective-like a real marketing class, instead of a book perspective, which is pretty exciting. The workload we have is medium, and the assignments are very practical. I can already see how this class is going to help me do better in my job, and in life in general.
More on that tomorrow. For now, have good night. And happy President Inauguration Day!
I, on the other hand have mixed feelings about this whole thing, or maybe my faith in our country just falters on the whole. Here's the thing. I'm really happy that we're getting a president that's coming in with these grand ideas, and who's willing to open the lines of communications to countries/people's we've denied an ear to in the past. Realistically, do I think we can accomplish everything he's setting out to do, no. But do I think it's worth a shot? Heck Yeah!
I was a little disappointed when watching the inauguration ceremony today though. I would have loved to have watched it at home, alone rather than with my co-workers. If they weren't talking during it, they were heckling at Bush or booing at him, which, despite the fact that I'm not a Bush fan, I found rather annoying.
I guess it's all about respect to me though. Do I think Bush was our greatest president? No, do I think he was our worst? Only history will tell, but he was our president. We, the people, voted him into office twice, and he lead our country, during trying times, and that demands our respect, regardless of whether we agreed with his policies or not. And honestly, I think we should be proud at the smoothness with which the transition has taken place this time around. I think if anything, Bush has actually shown class during this transition period-something we're not used to, I know.
Remember, that when Bush came into office, the previous administration was not nearly as gracious to him. Even though the elections were one of the worst and most controversial in our history, he was, in the end, named president elect, and we owed it to him to make a good transition. But instead, we were so angry about the election that we made everything difficult from the start. So he started on uneven ground, and I feel he's been struggling to get himself out from the start.
We may not want to believe it, but we the people had a part to play in his controversial presidency as well. After all, it's our job as citizens and voters to change the direction of politics on a state/local level, when we don't agree with the national level. So don't boo a president for doing what you see as being a bad job. Because he can only do a bad job if the vast majority let him. It's are responsibility to keep up with current affairs, to vote, and campaign for/against policies we agree or disagree with. If you weren't involved, boo yourself, not the president, because that's you failing to do your patriotic duty, and it's you failing yourself, your peers, your country, and your president. So, if your upset with public, national, and or international policies, make a difference at the local level, and respect the man, whether you like him or not, for leading one of the most powerful countries in the world for 8 years.
That being said, I think Obama is right to send out a message of hope to the world, and to state that he's stepping into office with a new approach--One of communication.
My favorite part of his speech today was when he said, "And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more. . .To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."I like the ideas of coming in and saying, "hey, were willing to work with you, despite our history, if you're willing to work with us." I mean, we've been closing out countries out for years. Refusing to listen to what they've got to say, raping them of their riches, and soils, and where did that get us?
Well, it got us 9/11 and the downfall of the economy and eight years of a very controversial presidency. Now, we have the opportunity to start new. To re-establish some of our broken relationships with other countries, and that's pretty exciting, but what's most exciting is that for the first time ever, the world is seeing us as a progressive nation. Yes, I did say "for the first time." Don't forget, we might be a country founded on the principles of the enlightenment, but we are also a country who's society was built out of social, political, and religious outcasts, we've made some pretty big mistakes, and now, we're showing that we're ready to make a change that will have an influence on the entire world, and that's something to be proud of.
Which leads me to my second favorite part of the speech. The part where he doesn't apologize for our past way of life, but at the same time tells us we have a responsibility to our planet, and we need to make some changes, but those changes don't me abandoning who we are. Because we do have it pretty good here, and we've worked hard to develop a nation and a country where people can have luxuries, and where almost any dream can become a reality. It's something to be proud of, and we should hold our heads high, and defend what's our, although, not at the expense of the world.
Sigh, ok, now that I ragged a little on the Bush haters, let me rag a little on the Obama haters. Here's the thing. Yes, I agree that the media hype over Obama has been out of control. They've raised him up to be this God-like figure, and I'm not so sure that's so good for our nation either. I mean, don't get me wrong. I think that the message of "yes we can," is exactly what we need right now. I'm just not sure that it's a good idea to make it seem like Obama's going to perform miracles. It just leads to swifter disappointment if things don't go as planned.
I do think, however, that all you haters out there, who booed when he took his oath, and are sending Obama hate e-mail to me, need to take a step back and give him a chance. You know, his victory was pretty much a land slide, which means he deserves your respect. Give the guy a chance. Stand by him and trust him, and give him the chance to prove himself. Then, if he fails to meet your needs, do what your patriotic duty calls for you to do,and get involved in politics. Follow current affairs and vote at the local level. Vote people into office who's views align with yours, and vote him out in four years, but don't walk around booing and hating. It just makes you look stupid and hateful.
Sigh. . . .
Enough about that. I'm so tired of writing I'm not even sure anything I said up there makes sense. But, I wanted to say that today was also a very exciting day for me for another reason. I was pretty excited because it was my very first day of graduate school, OMG! And I've already started to learn so much. I'm taking this Into to Marketing class for publishing, and the professor is awesome. He's teaching us Marketing from a product perspective-like a real marketing class, instead of a book perspective, which is pretty exciting. The workload we have is medium, and the assignments are very practical. I can already see how this class is going to help me do better in my job, and in life in general.
More on that tomorrow. For now, have good night. And happy President Inauguration Day!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Literature that Started as a letter, and Surviving Carbon Monoxide Poisoning
I started writing this letter, and realized that the bulk of this was going to turn into a blog anyway, so I cheated and cut and pasted the body of this letter into this blog.
Yup, why not, it'll catch you up on my life anyway.
My roommates and I survived Carbon Monoxide poisoning last night. All four of us slept through the alarm. Thankfully our upstairs neighbors heard the alarm go off and called the landlord. It looks like the levels weren't out of control. Turns out our chimney fell in, so we are without warm water and heat until 9 0'clock tomorrow morning (I don't know how the two relate), if things go as planned. And here I sit, afraid to sleep, because I'm afraid that I won't hear the alarm go off again.
That's about the most adventurous things that's happened this week. Then again, it's only monday, so what does that say about the rest of the week? If things go as planned, I start graduate school tomorrow. I'm a bit scared about that too. Sounds like most everyone in the class will be about 5 years younger than me. I'm afraid they're going to be savvy too. I'm excited at the prospect of getting back into learning mode though.
So lately, I've been getting back into the french literature stage. I love Alexander Dumas-even though it takes me a year to read most of his books--so I decided to try out his son. I read this book called Camille-or Lady of the Camellias. Despite the fact that it's one of the most pathetic love stories I've ever read, I absolutely loved it. Now I'm on the lookout for the live performances of it. (sh. . .it's my newest obsession.)
Since I finished that book I decide to stay in the love story/literature mode, so I've started reading Lady Chatterley's Lover. So far, I'm not sure what to think about the writing. I'm not as drawn into the story as I first imagined I'd be, and frankly, the characters are somewhat annoying, but we'll see how I feel when I get further into the book. Next book I want to read is Dona Barbara. I'm still watching the Spanish soap opera version of the book, but the more I read into the social critique, the more I want to read the book myself. So, off the library I shall go, in hopes of finding a decent English translation of the book.
Links to my Current Soap Opera Obsession
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doña_Bárbara
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEG9QMJM1Q4&feature=related
http://msnlatino.telemundo.com/novelas/Dona_Barbara/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOPRKKnNiL4&feature=related
Yup, why not, it'll catch you up on my life anyway.
My roommates and I survived Carbon Monoxide poisoning last night. All four of us slept through the alarm. Thankfully our upstairs neighbors heard the alarm go off and called the landlord. It looks like the levels weren't out of control. Turns out our chimney fell in, so we are without warm water and heat until 9 0'clock tomorrow morning (I don't know how the two relate), if things go as planned. And here I sit, afraid to sleep, because I'm afraid that I won't hear the alarm go off again.
That's about the most adventurous things that's happened this week. Then again, it's only monday, so what does that say about the rest of the week? If things go as planned, I start graduate school tomorrow. I'm a bit scared about that too. Sounds like most everyone in the class will be about 5 years younger than me. I'm afraid they're going to be savvy too. I'm excited at the prospect of getting back into learning mode though.
So lately, I've been getting back into the french literature stage. I love Alexander Dumas-even though it takes me a year to read most of his books--so I decided to try out his son. I read this book called Camille-or Lady of the Camellias. Despite the fact that it's one of the most pathetic love stories I've ever read, I absolutely loved it. Now I'm on the lookout for the live performances of it. (sh. . .it's my newest obsession.)
Since I finished that book I decide to stay in the love story/literature mode, so I've started reading Lady Chatterley's Lover. So far, I'm not sure what to think about the writing. I'm not as drawn into the story as I first imagined I'd be, and frankly, the characters are somewhat annoying, but we'll see how I feel when I get further into the book. Next book I want to read is Dona Barbara. I'm still watching the Spanish soap opera version of the book, but the more I read into the social critique, the more I want to read the book myself. So, off the library I shall go, in hopes of finding a decent English translation of the book.
Links to my Current Soap Opera Obsession
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doña_Bárbara
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEG9QMJM1Q4&feature=related
http://msnlatino.telemundo.com/novelas/Dona_Barbara/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOPRKKnNiL4&feature=related
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Camille-The Lady of the Camellias-by Alexandre Dumas (son)
Camille, also known as the Lady of the Camellias, by Alexander Dumas (son) hows now because one of my favorite fun reads. I have a thing for French authors who could have used a good editor, like Alexander Dumas (father) and Victor Hugo. There's something about these books and their critique on government and society, that draw me in like nothing else I read. But, the thing about all of these books is that they're difficult reads for me, and it always take me 6 months to a year to finish most of their books. (5 months to get half way through them, and one week to a month to finish the second half-that's usually when the story gets too good to put down.) They're addictive, like a soap opera, but I have to pace them out, because the writing and history is overwhelming and causes me to think to much.
Recently, however, I discovered this nice little book called Camille, and I fell in love with it at first chapter. It's a ridiculously easy read for the time it was written in, and I must say that the translator, Sir Edmond Gosse, is fantastic. I couldn't tell whether or not its abridged, but it doesn't matter. This pathetic little love story worked it's way into my heart, so much, that I think it'll be one of those books I read read throughout my entire life.
It's a story about or courtesan, who's young a beautiful, and dying. She falls in love with this young man, and at first refused to give up her way of life for him. So, she lives as a courtesan, refusing to accept payment from her true love, while prostituting herself to others in order to maintain her lifestyle. But, eventually she falls so in love with this guy, Armand, that she decided to sell and pawn everything she owns to pay off her debt, and start a new, humble life with Armand. The couple is at the highth of their happiness, and have just found a flat to move in with together when Armand's father comes to town and tries to convince Armand that this love is nothing more than a fling, and bound to fail. Armand, young and in love, and happy refuses to give up his love, and is willing to risk his relationship with his father to live with this courtesan. So, the father speaks to the courtesan behind Armand's back, and convinces her to leave Armand for the sake of the family. See, Armand has a sister who's ready to wed, but the family of the man she wishes to marry refuses her because of Armand's actions in Paris-living with a courtesan, letting her sell off everything thing she owns to live with him, which is unacceptable to society. The courtesan decides to make herself a martyr, and pushes Armand away, in a very cruel fashion for the sake of his sister. She dies poor and alone. Without any true friends, and Armand doesn't find out the truth until it's too late.
The story is beautifully written, and tragic. The characters, Armand in particular, are pathetic. But through these pathetic creatures, we get a very clear look of the life of the courtesans-women who can not be wife, nor bother, nor sister, just a women owned by the men who keep her. It's sad really.
The only think about the book is that it ruined my love of the movie The Moulin Rouge. At first, I thought that story line of a young courtesan who falls in love with a young poet, but is bound by her old life never to be free was pretty original. It's one of my favorite things about the movie. And the director's and writers take make it seem that way, but now, I think the writers saw one of the plays based on this story, or read the book and decided to write a movie script inspired by this story. I'm sure it's not the case, but I think that there's too much coincidence between these to stories for that not to be the case. Namely that in both stories, the courtesan is made to drive her lover away, and dies of consumption in the end.
Recently, however, I discovered this nice little book called Camille, and I fell in love with it at first chapter. It's a ridiculously easy read for the time it was written in, and I must say that the translator, Sir Edmond Gosse, is fantastic. I couldn't tell whether or not its abridged, but it doesn't matter. This pathetic little love story worked it's way into my heart, so much, that I think it'll be one of those books I read read throughout my entire life.
It's a story about or courtesan, who's young a beautiful, and dying. She falls in love with this young man, and at first refused to give up her way of life for him. So, she lives as a courtesan, refusing to accept payment from her true love, while prostituting herself to others in order to maintain her lifestyle. But, eventually she falls so in love with this guy, Armand, that she decided to sell and pawn everything she owns to pay off her debt, and start a new, humble life with Armand. The couple is at the highth of their happiness, and have just found a flat to move in with together when Armand's father comes to town and tries to convince Armand that this love is nothing more than a fling, and bound to fail. Armand, young and in love, and happy refuses to give up his love, and is willing to risk his relationship with his father to live with this courtesan. So, the father speaks to the courtesan behind Armand's back, and convinces her to leave Armand for the sake of the family. See, Armand has a sister who's ready to wed, but the family of the man she wishes to marry refuses her because of Armand's actions in Paris-living with a courtesan, letting her sell off everything thing she owns to live with him, which is unacceptable to society. The courtesan decides to make herself a martyr, and pushes Armand away, in a very cruel fashion for the sake of his sister. She dies poor and alone. Without any true friends, and Armand doesn't find out the truth until it's too late.
The story is beautifully written, and tragic. The characters, Armand in particular, are pathetic. But through these pathetic creatures, we get a very clear look of the life of the courtesans-women who can not be wife, nor bother, nor sister, just a women owned by the men who keep her. It's sad really.
The only think about the book is that it ruined my love of the movie The Moulin Rouge. At first, I thought that story line of a young courtesan who falls in love with a young poet, but is bound by her old life never to be free was pretty original. It's one of my favorite things about the movie. And the director's and writers take make it seem that way, but now, I think the writers saw one of the plays based on this story, or read the book and decided to write a movie script inspired by this story. I'm sure it's not the case, but I think that there's too much coincidence between these to stories for that not to be the case. Namely that in both stories, the courtesan is made to drive her lover away, and dies of consumption in the end.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Let Married Men Be
I love my soccer group, I really do, but some girls need to watch it, because they're out to cause trouble. Since moving to New York, I've joined a meet-up soccer group that I really enjoy. The atmosphere is pretty laid back, and everyone is pretty friendly. Friendly, not flirty, which is where some people need to learn the difference.
Here's the thing about the guys that we play with. The vast majority of them are very attractive, true gentlemen, oh and married or in very serious relationships. They are really nice guys who go out of their way to make everyone feel included, and keep us laughing when they can tell we're having a bad day, or tell us the truth when we're having an off day. It's like a family away from family, and it's really nice. But then there are the girls who mistake this friendliness for something else, or maybe they just feed off male attention, I don't know. But it's really annoying when the group is out together and they and their friends insist on putting some of these guys in an awkward situation.
Like, the other night, one girl in particular, insisted on getting too close to one of these guys. He would step away, and she would lean in closer. He would then move away and unwrap her hands from around his neck, and she would just put them back around him and lean closer. Eventually one of the guys or other girls would walk over and "save" him from this awkward situation, and he would turn around and say thanks to his rescuer, but it didn't stop the girl and her friend from moving on to her next target--usually another married man on the team. Where the same scenario occurred.
The guys were pretty classy about the way they handled the situation, but the point is that they shouldn't have been in that situation to begin with. You could tell they were annoyed, after all, guys should be able to go out with their guy friends, or a group of friends without having to deal with these "temptresses," trying to cause trouble
Sigh. . , I used to think that it was guys, more than women who went out looking for those situations. (Those of you who know my history will know why), but now I'm not so sure that's true. And it's not just because of this particular situation. There are other's too.
Like I have this good friend, who had a pretty big crush on another one of my friend's husbands. The two women were friend's themselves, and both married. But the one, was tired with her husband, and started to come on to the other friend's husband, and actually went as far as asking the friend how she'd feel if she slept with her husband. (did you catch all of that) My friend was like WTF! As was everyone else, but she didn't care. She, the one friend didn't care. All she saw was a man who was nice to her and automatically assumed that he wanted to sleep with her.
Then, almost as recently, I knew these two people who worked together. The one man had been in a very serious relationship for about 10 years, and the chick wasn't. The guy is friendly and flirty with everyone, but that's just the way he is. We all saw it as part of his friendly personality. Except for this one girl that was convinced that he was totally into her, despite the fact that he treated her the way he treated everyone else. So, one night, everyone in the group went dancing after work, and she totally started rubbing up and dancing against him in a very provocative way. He would move away, and she would get closer, and you could see he was uncomfortable, but couldn't seem to shake her off. None of us really thought about moving into help him, until she tried to kiss him. He left soon after that, not really knowing how to handle the situation. Eventually, rumor got back to his girlfriend about that night and it became a big to do. Lucky for him, there were enough of us there that night as witnesses that he didn't come on to her, and left when he felt the situation was out of his control, but she almost ruined a completely good relationship, and for what? For a possible night of empty sex?
Seriously, does any woman who breaks up a long term relationship or marriage seriously think that the man will ever take her seriously or as anything more than a piece of ass? Deep Breath.
Here's the thing. We're all human, and we're all at some point in time, going to be physically attracted to other people of the opposite sex (Someone other than the person we're with, or if we're single we might at some point be attracted to someone who's married or in a serious relationship). Unfortunately, that's just the way that life is. But we need to acknowledge that it's nothing more than a physical attraction, and move on. Respect that person and their relationship, and more importantly, respect yourself.
Walk away from trying to land that man as yours, and find yourself someone who can truly love and care for you, and who shall be faithful to you. Not someone who's already taken, who you like just because he's good looking and nice to you. Get it through your head. He's nice to you because he's a nice guy, not because he wants to get laid. Leave him alone, and move on.
Here's the thing about the guys that we play with. The vast majority of them are very attractive, true gentlemen, oh and married or in very serious relationships. They are really nice guys who go out of their way to make everyone feel included, and keep us laughing when they can tell we're having a bad day, or tell us the truth when we're having an off day. It's like a family away from family, and it's really nice. But then there are the girls who mistake this friendliness for something else, or maybe they just feed off male attention, I don't know. But it's really annoying when the group is out together and they and their friends insist on putting some of these guys in an awkward situation.
Like, the other night, one girl in particular, insisted on getting too close to one of these guys. He would step away, and she would lean in closer. He would then move away and unwrap her hands from around his neck, and she would just put them back around him and lean closer. Eventually one of the guys or other girls would walk over and "save" him from this awkward situation, and he would turn around and say thanks to his rescuer, but it didn't stop the girl and her friend from moving on to her next target--usually another married man on the team. Where the same scenario occurred.
The guys were pretty classy about the way they handled the situation, but the point is that they shouldn't have been in that situation to begin with. You could tell they were annoyed, after all, guys should be able to go out with their guy friends, or a group of friends without having to deal with these "temptresses," trying to cause trouble
Sigh. . , I used to think that it was guys, more than women who went out looking for those situations. (Those of you who know my history will know why), but now I'm not so sure that's true. And it's not just because of this particular situation. There are other's too.
Like I have this good friend, who had a pretty big crush on another one of my friend's husbands. The two women were friend's themselves, and both married. But the one, was tired with her husband, and started to come on to the other friend's husband, and actually went as far as asking the friend how she'd feel if she slept with her husband. (did you catch all of that) My friend was like WTF! As was everyone else, but she didn't care. She, the one friend didn't care. All she saw was a man who was nice to her and automatically assumed that he wanted to sleep with her.
Then, almost as recently, I knew these two people who worked together. The one man had been in a very serious relationship for about 10 years, and the chick wasn't. The guy is friendly and flirty with everyone, but that's just the way he is. We all saw it as part of his friendly personality. Except for this one girl that was convinced that he was totally into her, despite the fact that he treated her the way he treated everyone else. So, one night, everyone in the group went dancing after work, and she totally started rubbing up and dancing against him in a very provocative way. He would move away, and she would get closer, and you could see he was uncomfortable, but couldn't seem to shake her off. None of us really thought about moving into help him, until she tried to kiss him. He left soon after that, not really knowing how to handle the situation. Eventually, rumor got back to his girlfriend about that night and it became a big to do. Lucky for him, there were enough of us there that night as witnesses that he didn't come on to her, and left when he felt the situation was out of his control, but she almost ruined a completely good relationship, and for what? For a possible night of empty sex?
Seriously, does any woman who breaks up a long term relationship or marriage seriously think that the man will ever take her seriously or as anything more than a piece of ass? Deep Breath.
Here's the thing. We're all human, and we're all at some point in time, going to be physically attracted to other people of the opposite sex (Someone other than the person we're with, or if we're single we might at some point be attracted to someone who's married or in a serious relationship). Unfortunately, that's just the way that life is. But we need to acknowledge that it's nothing more than a physical attraction, and move on. Respect that person and their relationship, and more importantly, respect yourself.
Walk away from trying to land that man as yours, and find yourself someone who can truly love and care for you, and who shall be faithful to you. Not someone who's already taken, who you like just because he's good looking and nice to you. Get it through your head. He's nice to you because he's a nice guy, not because he wants to get laid. Leave him alone, and move on.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Taking Chances Means Leaving Your Comfort Zone
There are some people in life who thrive on change. Who's constant change of being is comfort, but I think those people are few and far between. I'd bet that most of us prefer the comfort of knowing what to expect, than of the unknown. I mean, why not, it's safe right? For example, being in a hostile environment might seem safer than running away because at least in the hostile environment, you know what's coming. What actions trigger what reaction, and how to shield yourself-well, maybe.
But then, there's the real world. The one without the protective glass around it and the soft cushion of friends to catch you when you fall. And that world. . .well, let me tell you. . . that world is just plane scary. It's like one day, you're in a soft field of good smelling flowers, and the next, you're in a hot desert trying to make your way.
Why are we even talking about this? Because given the experiences of the last couple of weeks, I am scared to death. Here I am, in this big scary world, all on my own for the first time in my life, failing at something I should be really good at, and there is no one to catch me if I fall. And that, well that, can make me feel pretty alone. At least the upside is that failing isn't an option, so I need to turn all this luck around. Even so, I miss Jared more than anything lately, and I think it's because he represents the comfort of home.
I actually went home for the Holiday, and as usual, came back pretty depressed. It's nothing bad. It's nothing anyone has said, it's just where I'm at in life vs where most people I know are at in life. The bulk of my family and friends have married, and are starting their families. They have a routine life. Go to work, come home, take care of the kids, go to bed. As boring and mundane as that life sounds, it also sounds like the warmest and safest place to be. Life is predictable, routine, and leaves very little room for change. I look around and feel like everyone has moved on to the next stage in life (i.e. having children, buying their first home, and moving in with their significant others or getting married), when I'm still trying to figure out who I am, and that makes me sad. It makes me feel like crying, because it feels like most everyone has not only the support groups of friends and family that they grew up with, but also the person they plan to be with for the rest of their lives, and the children have not choice but to love and depend on them. My friends and family have moved on--become mothers and fathers, and I'm still wandering the world. Trying to figure out what I have to offer and discovering what it has to offer me, while dabbling with the idea of settling down, but never really taking the chance to do it.
So, I wonder around this world by myself, and it gets pretty lonely. I love my life, I really do. I love that I have no one to answer to but myself, that I'm free to do things on my own terms, and my own time, and mostly, I love my solitude and independence. I love that I can take off and travel just because I feel like it, without taking anyone else into consideration, but even that begins to loose it's luster. I'd gladly argue with someone over where and when we're going, if it would mean not having to go at it alone. The experiences don't seem as fun anymore, when you have no one to share it with. So, life is adventurous, but lonely. And finding a good balance is difficult. When things go bad, I want to run home and hide in the comfort of knowing what's coming, but the routine drives me so crazy, that I cant wait to come back to NY where everything is new, and the possibility of changing is undeniable. . . , and inspiring to say the least.
But then, there's the real world. The one without the protective glass around it and the soft cushion of friends to catch you when you fall. And that world. . .well, let me tell you. . . that world is just plane scary. It's like one day, you're in a soft field of good smelling flowers, and the next, you're in a hot desert trying to make your way.
Why are we even talking about this? Because given the experiences of the last couple of weeks, I am scared to death. Here I am, in this big scary world, all on my own for the first time in my life, failing at something I should be really good at, and there is no one to catch me if I fall. And that, well that, can make me feel pretty alone. At least the upside is that failing isn't an option, so I need to turn all this luck around. Even so, I miss Jared more than anything lately, and I think it's because he represents the comfort of home.
I actually went home for the Holiday, and as usual, came back pretty depressed. It's nothing bad. It's nothing anyone has said, it's just where I'm at in life vs where most people I know are at in life. The bulk of my family and friends have married, and are starting their families. They have a routine life. Go to work, come home, take care of the kids, go to bed. As boring and mundane as that life sounds, it also sounds like the warmest and safest place to be. Life is predictable, routine, and leaves very little room for change. I look around and feel like everyone has moved on to the next stage in life (i.e. having children, buying their first home, and moving in with their significant others or getting married), when I'm still trying to figure out who I am, and that makes me sad. It makes me feel like crying, because it feels like most everyone has not only the support groups of friends and family that they grew up with, but also the person they plan to be with for the rest of their lives, and the children have not choice but to love and depend on them. My friends and family have moved on--become mothers and fathers, and I'm still wandering the world. Trying to figure out what I have to offer and discovering what it has to offer me, while dabbling with the idea of settling down, but never really taking the chance to do it.
So, I wonder around this world by myself, and it gets pretty lonely. I love my life, I really do. I love that I have no one to answer to but myself, that I'm free to do things on my own terms, and my own time, and mostly, I love my solitude and independence. I love that I can take off and travel just because I feel like it, without taking anyone else into consideration, but even that begins to loose it's luster. I'd gladly argue with someone over where and when we're going, if it would mean not having to go at it alone. The experiences don't seem as fun anymore, when you have no one to share it with. So, life is adventurous, but lonely. And finding a good balance is difficult. When things go bad, I want to run home and hide in the comfort of knowing what's coming, but the routine drives me so crazy, that I cant wait to come back to NY where everything is new, and the possibility of changing is undeniable. . . , and inspiring to say the least.
Life Status-What We Do Today Gets Us Where We Want to be When We're Old
When we were young, my best friend and I used to joke around that one day he would be my rich financier. I was going to travel the world, volunteering for human rights organizations—fighting for causes that weren’t my own, and he would be the one to bail me out of jail when I got thrown in jail for picketing against the government or chaining myself to a tree. He would be able to do this because he was going to be a successful businessman who hung out with the high rollers.
When I wasn’t traveling the world, I’d be using his network of friends to organize huge fundraisers for these causes at home. Giving speeches, and putting together videos and slide shows that documented the good that the financers’ donations for people’s quality of life around the world. But then, I worked for the non-profit sector at home and was very disenchanted by the power politics and the complete lack of organization within many of these organizations. So, I left the sector and decided that from then on, I would focus on volunteering every now and then with organizations that worked to educate “under privileged ” kids. The point being, I’m not off traveling the world, living the hippie life-style and getting myself blacklisted with the government, but my friend is keeping his side of the deal, and is working his way into the life-style he’s always desired.
Take this past weekend for example. He and his girlfriend went to Vegas to celebrate the New Year. They were meeting a couple of friends out there, but when their plane landed, one of the first people they saw was a billionaire they’d met once almost a year ago. When my friend walked over to say hello, the man remembered him and offered them a ride to their hotel in his limo. By the end of the night and through their stay, they were eating at a $4,000 dollar table, and getting VIP treatment to event after event.
So, he’s doing his part of shaping his life by networking, so I guess that means I need to get my but in gear and start looking for a cause to believe in.
When I wasn’t traveling the world, I’d be using his network of friends to organize huge fundraisers for these causes at home. Giving speeches, and putting together videos and slide shows that documented the good that the financers’ donations for people’s quality of life around the world. But then, I worked for the non-profit sector at home and was very disenchanted by the power politics and the complete lack of organization within many of these organizations. So, I left the sector and decided that from then on, I would focus on volunteering every now and then with organizations that worked to educate “under privileged ” kids. The point being, I’m not off traveling the world, living the hippie life-style and getting myself blacklisted with the government, but my friend is keeping his side of the deal, and is working his way into the life-style he’s always desired.
Take this past weekend for example. He and his girlfriend went to Vegas to celebrate the New Year. They were meeting a couple of friends out there, but when their plane landed, one of the first people they saw was a billionaire they’d met once almost a year ago. When my friend walked over to say hello, the man remembered him and offered them a ride to their hotel in his limo. By the end of the night and through their stay, they were eating at a $4,000 dollar table, and getting VIP treatment to event after event.
So, he’s doing his part of shaping his life by networking, so I guess that means I need to get my but in gear and start looking for a cause to believe in.
The New Year Disaster
Well, my first official day of the new year did not get off to a good start. I was awakened a little past eleven by an angry editor. The supply box with the new books, the banner, the posters, order forms, fliers, etc., did not arrive at the conference. There she was, setting up, and the stuff was missing. I wanted to cry. I’d already received a stern talking to the previous month, for things gone missing-my lack of organization and/or attention to detail. I’d stayed late last week going over everything to make sure that none of the mistakes happen again, and bam! The supply box was missing.
I threw on my clothes and rushed to work to figure out what happened and re-print all the missing order forms, flyers, booklists, and business cards, as well as gather up supplies-like our back drop and other missing signage. It took a couple of hours, but I was able to get most everything together and back in time to set up a decent looking booth before the doors opened. My boss called while I was setting up the missing items, but I couldn’t really read him. I called him later to update him on what I did, but felt awful, and am dreading going in to work on Monday to face him and everyone else. My editor was so upset that the people for Penn State (the booth next to us) commented on it. They went on to tell me that they were missing items too, and that it happens to every one, and were really good about helping me out. So that was nice, but I still felt awful. It's not like me to make these type of mistakes, but how can anyone know that when I'm so new?
Sigh, it wasn’t the best beginning to the new year, but at least we were able to avoid a disaster.
On a different note, the Italian guy phoned me today. He wanted me to meet him tonight or tomorrow, but I wasn’t interested. I was actually pretty disgusted when he ended the phone call by sending me “kissed.” “Kissed,” he said, “kisses, and see you soon.” Yuck! I don’t need to be babied. Attention is nice, but that was overkill. Sigh. . . It could just be that I was having a bad day, and didn't want to deal with a guy. Anyhow, now I have to call him and tell him that he's a great guy, which he is, but that I'm not interested. Sounds easy, but I don't like confrontation, and on top of that, there's a huge language barrier, but regardless, I'll call later this week and deal with it.
I threw on my clothes and rushed to work to figure out what happened and re-print all the missing order forms, flyers, booklists, and business cards, as well as gather up supplies-like our back drop and other missing signage. It took a couple of hours, but I was able to get most everything together and back in time to set up a decent looking booth before the doors opened. My boss called while I was setting up the missing items, but I couldn’t really read him. I called him later to update him on what I did, but felt awful, and am dreading going in to work on Monday to face him and everyone else. My editor was so upset that the people for Penn State (the booth next to us) commented on it. They went on to tell me that they were missing items too, and that it happens to every one, and were really good about helping me out. So that was nice, but I still felt awful. It's not like me to make these type of mistakes, but how can anyone know that when I'm so new?
Sigh, it wasn’t the best beginning to the new year, but at least we were able to avoid a disaster.
On a different note, the Italian guy phoned me today. He wanted me to meet him tonight or tomorrow, but I wasn’t interested. I was actually pretty disgusted when he ended the phone call by sending me “kissed.” “Kissed,” he said, “kisses, and see you soon.” Yuck! I don’t need to be babied. Attention is nice, but that was overkill. Sigh. . . It could just be that I was having a bad day, and didn't want to deal with a guy. Anyhow, now I have to call him and tell him that he's a great guy, which he is, but that I'm not interested. Sounds easy, but I don't like confrontation, and on top of that, there's a huge language barrier, but regardless, I'll call later this week and deal with it.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Years in New York
Ok, so this is what I do when I'm bored. I write. And although the spelling and grammar are all over the place, you'll get to read a little bit of my life, and be thankful that you are no longer living the life of a 20 something single person.
New Years eve started out as any other day. Having flown home the night before, I was exhausted and slept in until noon, after which I only got out of bed because my stomach was demanding food. Once I had fueled up on a ham and cheese sandwich, I decided to send out some e-mails and texts to see who had planned anything exciting that evening. Some of my acquaintances were going to a huge party down town, but I just didn't have the energy for that. My aunts were staying in, and my uncle was going to a house party with his friends. The house party sounded fun, but I wanted to be in the city for my first New Years in New York, and wasn't looking forward to my uncle's overprotective antics on New Years Eve. (more on those some other day). So, I ended up meeting up with some people from Soccer who live in Greenwich Village. Brianna had invited me over for dinner with her husband and some other people from soccer, and I thought that sounded like just the right thing for me. (I'll admit, that Brianna's suggestion to set me up with her significant other's hot Italian friend, factored greatly into the decision. After all, It's been almost 6 months since Jared and I were officially over, and although he's already met someone new, I'm still pinning away. So I though it was time to pull my head out of the ground, and get myself a chance to meet someone new. So, off I went.)
The night was bitter cold, and the gusts of wind were so strong, that occasionally they blew me off the sidewalk and onto the road. It had snowed earlier that day, and the sidewalks were slippery. As I made my way to the subway I began to wonder if going out was such a good idea.
Lucky for me, the subways were running every five minutes so I didn't have to wait long in the cold.
I arrived at their house around eight to be greeted by Antonio taking out the trash. We laughed at the perfect timing, then we walked in to his place and introduced me to his handsome friend who also happened to be name Antonio.
I was pretty impressed with Brianna's choice in men for me, although we had discovered a few months ago that we have the same taste in men, so I shouldn't have been surprised. The evening started out pretty mellow and fun, but then they told me Michael was coming. Which is fine. Michael is a nice guy, but. . . do you remember Saved by the Bell? He's is to me what Screech is to Lisa. So he can be a bit annoying. When Michel arrived, Antonio (Brianna's significant other) told Antonio (friend) to pretend to be my boyfriend for the rest of the night, in order to ward off Michael.
But Antonio (Friend) took his roll pretty seriously. By this time, I'd drank about 3 glasses of wine, 1 double shot of rum, a coupe of lemon and orange shots, and a shot of Vodka. Needless to say, I was pretty drunk. Antonio tried to kiss me, and I told him he'd have to wait until midnight.
I'm not usually the type of girl to kiss on a first date, but it was New Years Eve. And I hadn't kissed someone in six months. And to be frank, I've been feeling a bit lonely. Some harmless attention from a hot Italian man wouldn't hurt right? I was wrong.
At midnight, we, the group, found ourselves at Battery Park. That's on the south end of Manhatten. It overlooks the bay and the Statue of Liberty. The night was freezing, but the sky was beautiful, and the fireworks were wonderful. They lit up the sky above the statue of liberty, and you could see the reflection in the water. Seriously, I don't understand why people hang out at Time Aquare when the real beauty of the night is on the water front. So I kissed Antonio, and it was nice, but meant nothing, and that was somewhat sobering. He kept trying to shove his tongue down my throat the rest of the night. And I humored him, at first, because it's nice to be kissed every now and then, but when he pushed for more, I got a bit defensive, pushed him off, and decided to go home. By this time, we were at a bar, and I had downed a couple of more shots of tequila. Simon had lectured me on how I was settling and showing a lack of respect for myself. And strangely enough, in my drunken state of mind, I decided to listen.
Antonio really wanted to take me home, but I insisted against it. I needed to get home safe, and alone, and needed time to think. So we parted ways, and I went home, although I fell asleep on the subway, and only happened to wake up at my stop by chance. I came home, showered, then curled myself up in bed, and fell asleep thinking that this new years was more fun than last years despite the fact that Jared wasn't here to share it with me.
I also realized that I don't know if I'll ever be ready to date in New York. Kissing a guy on the first date is hard enough. I know this wasn't a date, but I still felt weird kissing a stranger. Everything moves so fast here. It makes me wonder if dating is the same way. I mean, I've heard from some people say that you kiss a person on the first date, and sleep with them by the third, and that's well. . .a lot too fast for a girl like me.
I'd rather date the guy, get to know him, and kiss him when the moment feels right. Who cares if that's the first date, or the sixth or the eight, as long as it feels right, you know. And sleeping with someone. Well, that's another story all together. I mean, I know some of my friends think I'm old fashioned, but that's only for people I love. After all, I'm the most valuable thing I have, why should I give me away to just anyone? No, that's reserved only for love.
New Years eve started out as any other day. Having flown home the night before, I was exhausted and slept in until noon, after which I only got out of bed because my stomach was demanding food. Once I had fueled up on a ham and cheese sandwich, I decided to send out some e-mails and texts to see who had planned anything exciting that evening. Some of my acquaintances were going to a huge party down town, but I just didn't have the energy for that. My aunts were staying in, and my uncle was going to a house party with his friends. The house party sounded fun, but I wanted to be in the city for my first New Years in New York, and wasn't looking forward to my uncle's overprotective antics on New Years Eve. (more on those some other day). So, I ended up meeting up with some people from Soccer who live in Greenwich Village. Brianna had invited me over for dinner with her husband and some other people from soccer, and I thought that sounded like just the right thing for me. (I'll admit, that Brianna's suggestion to set me up with her significant other's hot Italian friend, factored greatly into the decision. After all, It's been almost 6 months since Jared and I were officially over, and although he's already met someone new, I'm still pinning away. So I though it was time to pull my head out of the ground, and get myself a chance to meet someone new. So, off I went.)
The night was bitter cold, and the gusts of wind were so strong, that occasionally they blew me off the sidewalk and onto the road. It had snowed earlier that day, and the sidewalks were slippery. As I made my way to the subway I began to wonder if going out was such a good idea.
Lucky for me, the subways were running every five minutes so I didn't have to wait long in the cold.
I arrived at their house around eight to be greeted by Antonio taking out the trash. We laughed at the perfect timing, then we walked in to his place and introduced me to his handsome friend who also happened to be name Antonio.
I was pretty impressed with Brianna's choice in men for me, although we had discovered a few months ago that we have the same taste in men, so I shouldn't have been surprised. The evening started out pretty mellow and fun, but then they told me Michael was coming. Which is fine. Michael is a nice guy, but. . . do you remember Saved by the Bell? He's is to me what Screech is to Lisa. So he can be a bit annoying. When Michel arrived, Antonio (Brianna's significant other) told Antonio (friend) to pretend to be my boyfriend for the rest of the night, in order to ward off Michael.
But Antonio (Friend) took his roll pretty seriously. By this time, I'd drank about 3 glasses of wine, 1 double shot of rum, a coupe of lemon and orange shots, and a shot of Vodka. Needless to say, I was pretty drunk. Antonio tried to kiss me, and I told him he'd have to wait until midnight.
I'm not usually the type of girl to kiss on a first date, but it was New Years Eve. And I hadn't kissed someone in six months. And to be frank, I've been feeling a bit lonely. Some harmless attention from a hot Italian man wouldn't hurt right? I was wrong.
At midnight, we, the group, found ourselves at Battery Park. That's on the south end of Manhatten. It overlooks the bay and the Statue of Liberty. The night was freezing, but the sky was beautiful, and the fireworks were wonderful. They lit up the sky above the statue of liberty, and you could see the reflection in the water. Seriously, I don't understand why people hang out at Time Aquare when the real beauty of the night is on the water front. So I kissed Antonio, and it was nice, but meant nothing, and that was somewhat sobering. He kept trying to shove his tongue down my throat the rest of the night. And I humored him, at first, because it's nice to be kissed every now and then, but when he pushed for more, I got a bit defensive, pushed him off, and decided to go home. By this time, we were at a bar, and I had downed a couple of more shots of tequila. Simon had lectured me on how I was settling and showing a lack of respect for myself. And strangely enough, in my drunken state of mind, I decided to listen.
Antonio really wanted to take me home, but I insisted against it. I needed to get home safe, and alone, and needed time to think. So we parted ways, and I went home, although I fell asleep on the subway, and only happened to wake up at my stop by chance. I came home, showered, then curled myself up in bed, and fell asleep thinking that this new years was more fun than last years despite the fact that Jared wasn't here to share it with me.
I also realized that I don't know if I'll ever be ready to date in New York. Kissing a guy on the first date is hard enough. I know this wasn't a date, but I still felt weird kissing a stranger. Everything moves so fast here. It makes me wonder if dating is the same way. I mean, I've heard from some people say that you kiss a person on the first date, and sleep with them by the third, and that's well. . .a lot too fast for a girl like me.
I'd rather date the guy, get to know him, and kiss him when the moment feels right. Who cares if that's the first date, or the sixth or the eight, as long as it feels right, you know. And sleeping with someone. Well, that's another story all together. I mean, I know some of my friends think I'm old fashioned, but that's only for people I love. After all, I'm the most valuable thing I have, why should I give me away to just anyone? No, that's reserved only for love.
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