My grandfather went into some sort of shock tonight. The image of his head bobbing backwards, and his eyes closed with his mouth slightly open, is nothing that I ever want to see again. I hope the image will soon be erased from my mind, because it's almost too much to handle.
My grandmother, from the other side of the family is pretty sick too. She's been hospitalized, and I'm scared. I don't want my fairy tale grandmother to pass away. I love her so much. And even though I'm not that child or grandchild that calls all the time, she holds a very very very very special place in my heart, and for some irrational reason, I was under the impression that she was going to live forever. My magical grandmother has to live forever, because that's just the way it is. But she's dying, and I'm so sad. It breaks my heart to think of my vibrant, stubborn, outspoken grandmother, laying in a hospital room in pain, trying to run her life and make decisions on her health, when she can barely move. And I feel so awful for my cousin, and my uncles, and my mom, who do what they can to help, but aren't experts and have to witness her detriment first hand. Life seems so cruel and unfair at times.
Yet, i pray each night for their health and to be out of pain. And I cry myself to sleep, and am thankful to the spirit that brings of life, God, or whatever power is out there that lets us be, that at least I'm able to meet them, and talk to them, and let them know how much I love them. And, they're surrounded by a loving family that cares for them. That I'm lucky enough to be part of a huge family that cares and loves as much as we all do, because the most beautiful thing about life, is knowing and feeling the love of a family.
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