Then Maybe It Doesn't. . .or Perhaps So Slowly as to Make You Suffer More, First

They say time will heal all pain and I, in fact, wrote that one or two blogs ago, but the truth is, sometime time makes the pain get worse before it starts to heal. Similar to an injury. The initial pain isn't always as bad as the pain that comes a day or two later. It's been over a year now, and while he has moved on, my heart still aches with the pain of not having him around, worse than the night of our initial parting.

He monopolizes my thoughts, most especially at night, when I'm trying to fall asleep, and early mornings, when I wake in hopes to see him lying there beside me. There are nights where I feel like going one more day without his touch or the sound of his voice, is my punishment, or bad karma for actions I'd taken earlier in my life, or in a past life. Who knows. . . all that's true is that the pain is real, it's strong, and at times barely manageable. This is how I feel.

It's so unique, that feeling of closeness that encompasses you when you meet that person whom you fit well with. Not only physically, but it's like your mind, body, and spirit, although not always in agreement, are so in tune and so inline that even after only a few months there's the illusion of reading each others minds. You can almost feel one another's thoughts, and move in a synced rhythm of life. The closeness is at once scary and comforting, bust most importantly, it's sacred. Strong and sacred, and so powerful that sometime its power alone is too be feared, because loving someone so much, or feeling such a deep connection is too risky. Risky because at one moment you're one, but if you were ever parted, or if he were ever taken away, well, where would that leave you. Alone? Set to live you life looking for something just as powerful, if not more so. Thirsting for that feeling once again, and never knowing if it's possible to re-find it. And if it does come along, say the offer stands to feel it once again, will you run away? Is it better to live in the torment of life without it as apposed to risking it's being taken away once more? To what end does love itself become the enemy? After all, the cause of the pain that haunts my life and darkens my spirit was initiated with the warmth and glow of love itself. Until when should my heart no longer deserve to suffer?